6 1/2 tips to make baby clothing more hazardous
Kids these days are too soft, can we rethink fashion to tough them up?
Disclaimer: DO NOT actually follow any tips from this article. Please. Like... you know... really... just don't... thanks guys.
So I (re)watched the movie 300 over the weekend. Can you imagine what it'd be like if we still had the 'survival of the fittest' rule for kids? So like, in order to make the most hardcore babies, what they'd wear or use would be enhanced in order to nurture that hardcorability. (It's a word...😬)
Fire induced diapers 🔥🔥🔥 The baby need to pee on demand to put out the fire... 💧💧💧with precision.
Bitter buttons Teach the baby to spit out buttons. (This one should be easy, just like how they would spit out the chewing tobacco during the weekly poker game.)
Put drawstring on everything The baby need to know how not to get tangled in them. They will need to use the strings to practice knotting skill anyways.
Make sure the fabric of the baby cloth is synthetic and full of chemicals The baby need to develop thick reactive skin that repels all harmful particles.
Metal teether Ideally, the baby should develop teeth that can tear through an armored truck. The extra iron intake from chewing on rust is an added bonus for growth.
iPhone or iPad glued to the crib The baby's eyes should be digitally stimulated at all times! It unlock the secret potential to x-ray vision; maybe even the ability to shoot laser beams!
Here are all the tools to make super bionic babies! For addition enhancement, expose the baby to radioactive material and see if they can develop other super powers! (Yep, I also watched Spiderman :P)
Disclaimers: Again, I can't stress this enough. DO NOT follow any tips from this article.